How Attachment Styles Shape the Way We Work
The Honey Hive Blog | May 1, 2025
A lot of us are trying to do our best in our work lives—show up with integrity, meet the deadlines, lead the meetings, build the vision. But what if I told you that how we work is deeply connected to how we create attachments?
This is something I’ve been sitting with personally and professionally: how our early experiences of connection, trust, and safety shape the way we navigate the workplace today. It’s not just about productivity or leadership styles—it’s about our nervous systems, our beliefs, and the stories we’ve carried since childhood.
Let’s talk about attachment styles.
Attachment theory says that the way we were cared for as children—whether we felt safe, seen, soothed, and secure—has a direct impact on how we relate to others as adults. And while this is often discussed in the context of romantic relationships, it plays a huge role in our careers too. In how we communicate, how we manage feedback, how we lead or avoid conflict, or how we hustle or hide.
Here’s a breakdown of the four primary types of attachment—and how they might show up at work:
1. Secure Attachment
You feel confident in yourself and others. You trust that people will show up. You believe you’re worthy of love and support.
At work, this might look like:
Setting healthy boundaries
Communicating clearly and directly
Receiving feedback without taking it personally
Collaborating without losing your sense of self
2. Anxious Attachment
You crave connection but fear rejection or being seen as inadequate. You may have learned to over-perform to feel safe or valuable.
At work, this might look like:
People-pleasing or overworking to prove your worth
Struggling with boundaries or saying no
Constantly second-guessing yourself or needing reassurance
Tying your identity to productivity or approval
3. Avoidant Attachment
You value independence and self-reliance—often because closeness felt overwhelming or unsafe growing up.
At work, this might look like:
Avoiding collaboration or delegating tasks
Keeping emotions out of professional spaces
Feeling uncomfortable with vulnerability or relying on others
Being seen as “strong” but often carrying silent stress
4. Anxious or Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment
A push-pull dynamic—wanting closeness but fearing it at the same time. This often stems from inconsistent or traumatic early relationships.
At work, this might look like:
Swinging between over-involvement and emotional withdrawal
Struggling with trust or stability in workplace relationships
Feeling emotionally overwhelmed or easily dysregulated
Avoiding vulnerability while also craving connection
None of these styles are wrong. They’re adaptive coping strategies—ways we learned to stay safe in the environments we were raised in. But now, as adults, especially as leaders and creatives and visionaries, we get to choose a new way.
Some of what we call “imposter syndrome” or “burnout” or “lack of confidence” can be contributed to unhealed attachment patterns playing out. The good news? With awareness comes freedom.
This month, I invite you to reflect on this:
When do I feel most unsafe, unseen, or unworthy in my work—and what might that reveal about how I attach?
We don’t need to fix ourselves. We need to see ourselves with more compassion.
And from that place, we can begin to lead in a way that feels authentic, grounded, and whole.
